of anything i’ve ever written, the following is a piece i wrote today that i find as my personal testimony. i try never to really go too deeply into my personal or spiritual life on xanga, but i feel that a lot of people i know are going through what i’m going through. so i hope that this testimony will reach at least one person who is going through something similar to me.

fallen down on the ground, trampled on and kicked around, gasping for an ounce of breath, fighting life until the death, searching for another way, i stay afraid and cease to pray, for the world has grasped my bending heart, kept me and You so far apart, tears form inside my soul, and conflicting morals begin to pull, two paths and i stay dormant, needing decision and the strength to form it, but how could i leave my world behind? it’ll take more than strength to change my mind. i find ‘though life is treating me unkind, what was once so pure has already died, so what’s the point of changing lives, if Your promises of hope are all just lies? i need some answers, i need some proof, give me anything, i want the truth, i want You in my life but i’m afraid, my life right now i don’t want to trade, but You call my name everyday, asking me to kneel and pray, and everytime i hesitate, always trying to escape, i know that i’m saved but You continue to say, that i’m lost in this world and i must find the way, and search within this heart of mine, for there’s a truth i need to find. the words come pouring out my mouth, but are they real or filled with doubt, and I’m just lying to myself? You offer me hope and i’m so quick to refuse it, drowning in sin i make up excuses, choosing a path is so hard i’m scarred and i’m scared to go far, i know i have a heart but i’m too stubborn to use it. i’m torn in what’s really reality, and which life i’m living is truly a fallacy, this stripped mentality is driving me crazy, i’m craving to end this constant war inside my skull, i’m full of confusion, in what way will i mold? all i know is that i’ll never let go, Your omnipresent ways always show, and so, i’ll proceed in the way that You’ve led me to follow, through setbacks and sorrow and when life seems hollow, i pray that You’ll lift me and still love me tommorrow, and although i seem unsure of myself, i know You’ll be here to give me the help that i need to find the answers to the meaning of me, i see that You’ve given such a blessing for my heart to be free, and to make this journey of discovery and overwhelming humility and i really hope that soon i’ll see, just how much i need to be a man of Christ with You in me. i need to be, a man of Christ, with You in me.


~ by roychi on March 2, 2003.

3 Responses to “”

  1. i totally kno what ur goin thru… thanks for making me think today and remind me about things i should focus on more in this life… hope ur doing well. take care~

  2. roy.. thats really beautiful what you wrote. it got me teary eyed… I love yas as a brother and friend. know that u are in my prayers.

  3. wussup man… just droppin by ta give ya 2 eprops n shit cause uhh yeah that shit is deep yo… well yeah when you gots the time dont forget ta hit up my page to aight

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